Well, there you have it, I’m a failure. Whilst all my friends passed first time, I flopped and came back with a major and 5 minors. It happened within the first few minutes of leaving the test centre. Everything was going as good as things can go when your hands wont stop shaking and your brain is mush – I was coming up to a roundabout (I bloody hate those things) at a good speed in 2nd gear and then a MAHOOSIVE van pulled up in the right lane and I couldn’t see a thing. So I had to stop to make sure it was safe to continue – I am stationary at this point but notice I never said I changed down to first. That’s because my mushy brian never did and when I tried to pull away I kangarooed allllllll round the roundabout. Brill. After that I did the best 3 point turn I’d ever done and did a really chilled independent drive.
After all the tears, tubs of ice cream and absolute hatred for driving. I’ve come to the conclusion that actually, I needed to fail. Everything happens for a reason, and I just wasn’t quite ready to start going out on my own. It would have been great to pass and get myself to my friends house without any difficulty – but, I don’t think I would have liked to have done motorways or any city trip. I needed a bit more time. And that’s what failing gave me. A bit more time to practice, gain confidence, understand the car, AND GO INTO FIRST GEAR WHEN I NEED IT.
I think failing has made me a better driver. I came out of the test thinking I was an absolute danger and a killing machine. I wanted a sticker on the back of the car saying “DO NOT LET HER LOOSE SHE IS A MANIAC”. But, with this fear of myself came more alertness. I would look in advance for things and think carefully about my actions. Before, I thought that driving was so quick! I had to do about 8 things in 2 seconds. Well Emily, it was only 2 seconds because you didn’t slow yourself down enough – you didn’t give yourself enough time. It’s things like that which I have learnt. I am a better driving for learning that.
Everything I’ve done in life I’ve had a practise for, I did mocks for GCSE’S and A levels (in both I did terribly before the real thing), I would do practices for any swimming competitions, ballet shows or gymnastic routines that I had as a kid. I was never just chucked in. But you don’t get a dry run of a driving test. You can’t just find a strange old man from the street who will sit next to you like a scarily silent guardian and judge your driving in 40 minutes. No there’s no practice. So I have decided that this will be my practice test.
Or maybe I just loved it so much that I wanted to do it again.
Anyway, the point of all this rambling is that failure does not mean you’re bad. It does not mean you absolutely suck at driving. It does not mean that everytime you sit in the car you are a danger to society. It does not mean that you do not know anything. It just means you made a mistake, you weren’t quite ready and you made a mistake.
I will be honest, doing it once hasn’t rid all my nerves. I’m still absolutely terrified for the next time but I know I’m going in with experience and more practice. Just please don’t give me the reverse around the corner….